


Reflections

by iamjacksblindrage



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Jack's trans and has a big dumb crush on Dan, M/M, Trans!JackSepticEye, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:26:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8813221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamjacksblindrage/pseuds/iamjacksblindrage
Summary: Transboy!Jack has a big fat crush on Danny Sexbang.  Turns out, Dan has an equally big crush on Jack.





	1. Chapter 1

Jack had been fairly confident in the way he looked and carried himself since he'd come out when he was younger. His voice was naturally lower than most of the girls he knew, and by the time he was out of school, he had figured out how to talk so people would mistake it as a masculine voice. His shoulders were square and while his face was bit round, it wasn't in any overly feminine way. And he'd always been pretty flat chested, so binding had been effective and easy. There was just one thing.

His hips.

They were soft and round, a dead giveaway that, maybe he wasn't the man he projected to those around him. He dressed aggressively in response; his jeans sat low on his hips and he wore long, baggy shirts to try and cover his midsection as much as possible. Still, he spent too many nights being catcalled by drunk assholes in pubs who saw his slim waist and soft hips and thought him a girl.

Still, after top surgery and starting T, things got better. His voice dropped more and he started growing a beard, and coarse, dark hair started growing on his chest and stomach and arms and his face squared up just a bit and he started feeling more and more comfortable in his own body. He starts up on YouTube and no one questions his gender presentation, even though he still has soft hips, though his steadily growing number of viewers don't generally see them. Mark starts messaging him, and introduces him to Wade and Felix and the Game Grumps and SuperMega, and he's happier than ever.

The first time Jack can finally buy himself a plane ticket out to LA, he's nervous about meeting all of his friends from YouTube in person for the first time. He's pretty sure Mark will accept him regardless, but he's unsure about the rest of them, and he spends hours upon hours on the plane worrying. He tries to keep himself occupied, he tries to sleep, but nothing works.

Mark is waiting for him at LAX when he lands. He's a couple inches taller than Jack's expecting, and he has to look up at him, but he's scruffy and has a big doofy grin on his face and he hauls Jack into a tight hug as soon as Jack's in reach. He takes Jack's suitcase and leads him out to his car in the parking lot.

Staying with Mark is comfortable. He doesn't question the fact that Jack all but refuses to take off his shirt or lounge around in his underwear the way Mark does. He is almost pushy in his plight to make sure Jack is comfortable and well fed, too, which makes Jack laugh at the other man.

Mark takes him to the grump space on a day they've checked that everyone will be around. Arin immediately greets Jack with a huge hug and a big smile. Suzy and Barry greet him much the same way, and Ross teases him gently. To be honest, they're just the same as they had seemed over Skype calls and streams and things.

Then Dan emerges from the grump room, swaddled up in a big blanket with a beanie jammed down over his curls. He looks tired, but there's a lazy smile on his face.

"Hey, baby girl, you ready to go?" Dan stops dead when he sees Jack under Arin's arm, and his grin widens. Jack's stomach does flips at the sight. He'd been crushing hard on Dan for months now, to be honest, and this turn of events was probably not going to turn out well for Jack. "Jack! No one told me you guys were coming in today!" Dan exclaims, abandoning his blanket to drag Jack away from Arin and scoop him into a tight hug that pulls Jack off his feet. When he sets Jack back down, he laughs and ruffles the Irishman's hair. "You're shorter than I expected, man."

Jack blushes and pushes Dan playfully, ducking his head to hide his giddy grin. Dan's warm and sincere and that's not helping Jack's big gay crush on the straightest dude in the room.

Unfortunately, Ross sees his red cheeks and starts howling with laughter.

"Jack and Danny, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G," the grin in Ross's face is obscene and Jack turns a terrified glance his way. Is he that obvious? His chest is a little tight and his throat is working hard against tears, and Jack has to excuse himself to the bathroom briefly.

With the door locked firmly behind him, Jack leans against it and tries hard to steady his breathing. Tears are streaming freely down his face, and he's got one hand clenched around the collar of his shirt. He knows he's being irrational, but God, he can't afford to let Dan know he likes him like that. He'd lose everyone here and he'd have to start all over again, and there's no way he'd manage when everyone in the community was so interconnected.

There's a soft knock from the other side of the door.

"Jack?" Dan's voice is soft, and in the background, Jack can hear Arin and Brian's voices, both sounding stern. "Hey buddy, can I come in?"

Jack reluctantly unlocks the door and opens it for Dan to slip in. The moment the door's shut, Dan pulls him in for a gentle hug, just holding Jack against his chest.

"You know none of us think there's anything wrong with you being into dudes, right?" Dan asks, holding Jack at arm's length so they can make eye contact. Jack sniffles and shrugs.

"It's not the bi thing I'm worried about you guys knowing," Jack admits, casting his eyes down and to the left. When he doesn't continue, Dan tips his chin up so they're eye to eye.

"You can tell me anything, man," Dan assures with a soft smile. Jack shakes his head, biting his lip. There's no way he can tell Dan that he's trans, it would feel too much like he had lied to his friends. He wishes he didn't feel the need to validate his gender, especially to his friends. None of them knew and none of them had even questioned it, so why the hell couldn't he just let it rest? "I'm serious, dude, there's nothing you could tell me that would scare me off."

"Even if I told you I had a dumb crush on you?" Jack blurts out and immediately goes pale. Well, if the situation wasn't bad enough. Dan's eyes widen and blood rises in his cheeks.

"You have a crush on me?" Dan breathes, a grin slowly curling the corners of his mouth. "Oh my god, Jack, that's so cute!" Jack's surprised to feel Dan's soft lips and scratchy facial hair on his cheek. He jerks back and stares up at Danny with big, scared eyes and a gaping mouth.

"Please don't mess with me like this, man," Jack whimpers, his entire body trembling. He tears his gaze away from Dan's slowly falling face and turns his back on the man. "I don't think I could take you being so cruel." 

Behind him, Dan doesn't make a sound. He doesn't retreat and he doesn't approach Jack, and Jack keeps his head down and fights back sobs. He's scared, terrified, really. He's in a foreign country, relying on new friends, and if he screws this up, he could wind up stranded in LA with nothing.

A pair of arms wind around Jack's waist, and Dan's scruffy face tucks in against his neck. Jack stiffens in surprise, and reluctantly relaxes against the man's slim body. 

"I don't want you to think I'm being cruel," Dan mumbles, his voice wavering slightly. "I do actually think it's cute that you have a crush on me. I like you, too."

"Wha-what?" Jack breathes, twisting to look up at Dan. "You're like, the straightest guy I know."

"Maybe not," Dan laughs, bumping his forehead against Jack's softly. "I've figured out in the last few years that I'm pretty solidly bi."

Jack huffs a little laugh and leans in to kiss him, a smile on each of their faces. Dan surprises him by kissing him back, eager and joyous, holding Jack by the hips to bring him closer.

"Wait," Jack stutters, pulling away from Dan almost violently. Dan looks down at him with sad eyes, eyebrows furrowed. "There's something I should tell you, before this thing goes any further." Dan cocks his head, confusion etched into his every feature, and Jack takes a deep, steadying breath. With a trembling hand, he grabs the hem of his shirt and hauls it up, exposing the dusty pink scars on his chest. One of Dan's hands reach forward, and he trails a wide thumb along the edge of one of the scars.

"I don't understand," Dan breathes, frowning. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"I'm, ah. I'm trans, Danny," Jack admits, letting his shirt fall. It bunches up around Dan's wrist, where he's still touching Jack's chest with gentle fingers. "Nothing about my body is conventional. If you're in for this, whatever this is, there might be some surprises for you along the way."

"I think I can take them in stride," Dan says with a soft smile, slipping his hand down to settle at Jack's soft waist. He pulls the Irishman in closer and kisses the corner of his mouth. "It'll be a learning curve for me, but I want to try."

Jack and Dan end up spending a lot of Jack's stay together. Nothing much comes of it, beyond some heavy make out sessions in the front seat of Dan's car. Dan even offers to let Jack stay at his place the night before his flight home, since he's closer to the airport than Mark is. Jack learns quickly that, despite having a massive bed, he has to make himself comfortable around Dan's sprawling limbs. In the end, he winds up with one of Dan's arms and one of his legs draped over him and Dan's face pressed firmly in the crook of his neck, snoring softly in his ear. 

In the morning, Dan brews up a pot of coffee for Jack, helps him gather his bags, and drives him to the airport. They share a slightly weepy goodbye in front of the security line, and then Dan retreats to his car and Jack boards his plane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: [uruhead ](uruheadnsfw.tumblr.com) on tumblr drew some really rad art for this chapter!!! You can check it out over [here!](http://not-so-grump-sexbang.tumblr.com/post/156677902464/uruheadnsfw-drew-this-amazing-art-of-my-fic)

When Jack finds out that Dan's going to be in the UK for a while, he nearly cries. He doesn't have the time or money to meet him, and he doesn't know if Dan's itinerary will allow him to stop through Ireland. The thought that his boyfriend is going to be so close, yet so far away eats him up inside. He tries to keep his cool, though, records and edits and keeps his apartment in order. He responds to Dan's texts almost desperately quick, grins when Dan sends him cheesy selfies of himself and his mom at various locales. 

Jack's in the middle of recording when the door opens behind him. He furrows his eyebrows. Robin's visiting, but he knows Jack's recording, so he turns to scold his editor and instead comes face-to-face with his boyfriend instead. He's quick to shove his headphones off and jump out of his chair and throw himself at Dan. Dan laughs, good naturedly, and holds his tiny boyfriend close to his chest.

"The fuck are you doing here?!" Jack shouts, a big grin on his face and his blue eyes wide with wonder. "I thought you were in Edinburgh with your mum?!"

"My mom is on a plane back to Jersey, and I have a three day layover here." Dan's smile is knowing and proud. Jack just laughs in disbelief and hauls him down to kiss him.

"Let me finish up recording, okay?" Jack says, head-butting Dan's shoulder softly. "And then I'll have all night free." Dan kisses Jack's forehead fondly and makes his retreat.

After Jack's finished working for the day, he sends Robin home with the drive with that day's footage, and takes Dan out for dinner. It's easy between them, despite being separated for months. Afterwards, they retreat to Jack's apartment and curl up on the sofa with a glass of wine apiece and watch a movie - in reality, they spend most of the movie making out and touching each other with no real end goal in mind. 

Things kick up a notch when Dan hauls Jack into his lap. His hands are on Jack's round hips and his mouth is on the Irishman's neck and Jack feels out of control. He's dizzy with arousal and he can feel the blood rushing to his groin and he moans. 

"Dan," he breathes, and Dan nips his sensitive skin. His hands are moving up under his shirt, pushing it up, and Jack helps shed his shirt so Dan can touch his bare torso with soft fingers.

"Is this okay?" He asks, his touch drifting over Jack's nipples but his eyes firmly on Jack's face. Jack nods and arches his back into Dan's touch. Dan leans in to nip at the little peak of Jack's nipple, one hand slipping down to the curve of his back. Jack's hands find their way into Dan's curls in response, and he tugs hard, remembering Dan mentioning his hair-pulling kink on the show one too many times. Dan moans, loud and elegant, and his cock twitches up towards the heat of Jack's groin.

"Sean, please," Dan pants, clutching Jack closer. His hips are working up against Jack's in desperation. "God, I want to devour you. I want to get my mouth on your cock, I want to tease your balls with my tongue, I want you to fuck my ass and hold me down and keep me from coming for ages."

"Oh, fucking shit, Dan, you can't just drop that on a guy," Jack groans, rolling his hips, seeking out any little friction he can find. "Jesus, we can do that, but you're gonna have to slow down a bit, hm?"

Dan nods almost frantically and forces his hips to still, his whole body to fall lax.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," he pants, lets his hands play gently at the waist of Jack's jeans. "I'll follow your lead." 

Jack clambers off of Dan's lap and reaches for the man's huge hands and pulls him onto his feet.

"C'mon," he murmurs, leading Dan up the stairs. They're quick to pad into Jack's bedroom and close the door behind them. Jack takes charge, then, by hauling Dan's shirt up and over his head and then pushing him firmly down onto the mattress. His erection is hard enough that he's managing to tent his jeans, and his face and chest are flushed red. Jack's fingers are nimble in their venture to get Dan out of his pants, and soon enough, Dan's naked and sprawled out on his back on the unmade bed, looking up at Jack towering over him. Jack bends down to kiss the leaking head of Dan's sizable cock before he pulls back and works himself out of his pants.

It takes a few moments to build up the courage, but finally Jack's bare before Dan, his hard little cock peeking out of the thick folds of his labia. Dan's staring at him openly, though Jack's avoiding his gaze, still nervous he might leave.

"You're fucking gorgeous," Dan breathes, propping himself up on an elbow and reaching for his boyfriend with his other hand. "Come here, please, I need to touch you."

Jack finds himself climbing up onto the bed next to Dan and spraying his legs open. Dan kisses the hair just under his belly button and traces a soft thumb down the length of Jack's cock. It's maybe all of 2 inches in length, and narrow; all natural growth. Jack had a fund set aside for phalloplasty, but it still wasn't nearly enough, so Jack had been learning to live with what growth he'd been able to get after nearly 6 years on T. It was sensitive, though, and Jack shuddered gently when Dan touched him. Dan jerked his hand away in response, scared.

"No, you're okay," Jack assures, reaching out to touch Dan's face. "I'm just sensitive, alright? You can keep touching me."

Dan ducks down and kisses the crest of Jack's pubic bone before drifting lower and swiping his soft lips down the length of Jack's cock and gathering it in his mouth. His tongue is slick and hot, and Jack moans loudly at the sensation, reaching down to thread his fingers through Dan's curls. Dan's mouth works softly, his fingers tracing lower, over his labia, before prodding in. Jack's slick inside, and hot, and he squirms even harder under Dan's minstrations.

"Dan, please," he moans, hips arching into Dan's touch. He's a whimpering, writhing mess, and Dan pushes harder. Jack responds in kind, and soon enough, he's coming hard, clenching down around Dan's fingers and moaning loudly. Dan eases him down, kissing Jack's hips and thighs and belly admiringly. 

"God, you're a fucking sight to behold," he murmurs, looking up the length of Jack's body. His chest is heaving and his face is flushed and his eyes are heavily lidded. Jack grins crookedly in response and reaches down to Dan, pulling him up closer so he can kiss him. While he's got Dan distracted with his mouth though, he reaches down and fondles his balls idly. Dan gasps in surprise and his eyes fall closed against the pleasure.

"Please," Dan wheezes, grabbing for Jack. "God, fuck me, please." Jack pushes him down and kisses him deeply before he climbs off the bed and starts digging around in his closet. When he returns, there's a harness around his hips and a thick cock hanging between his legs. Dan's breathing visibly hitches when he catches sight, gaping at his boyfriend.

"You want me to fuck you, huh?" Jack grins, reaching down to stroke the strap on tantalizingly slow. Dan nods vigorously, and even flips himself over onto his hands and knees with his ass in the air. Jack laughs and is quick to jump on the bed and press his face between Dan's ass cheeks, licking his hole sloppily. Dan moans and clutches at the sheets and lets out a stream of "please's" that Jack can't say no to, so he finds his lube in the side table and slicks his fingers and opens Dan up hastily.

Once he's sure Dan's ready, he slicks up the strap on with quick, sure fingers, before pressing it into Dan's needy ass. Dan moans, low and breathy, and pushes his hips back into Jack's, impaling himself on the thick cock. One of Jack's hands finds its way into Dan's curls, pulling hard, while the other hand steadies Dan's hip. 

"Ah!~ Fuck, Jack, please!" Dan moans, arching his back. Jack rocks his hips, slowly at first, and then harder, faster. Dan's skin is so soft, so smooth under Jack's hands, and he revels in the sensation while he pounds Dan, listening to his beautiful voice breaking with pleasure. Jack sinks his teeth into Dan's shoulder and pulls his hair hard, and Dan all but screams, coming hard. Jack can feel the resistance from Dan's muscles clenching around the dido and he fucks harder until Dan's limp on the mattress, whimpering and trembling. When he pulls out, Dan gasps, and Jack can't help but watch his hole flutter lightly in response to the emptiness for a second before he thumbs at it, curious. Dan whines softly, and his thighs tremble with the effort to hold himself up. Jack helps him lay over on his side and strokes his curls away from his face.

"So beautiful," Jack murmurs, fingers slipping through Dan's hair, watching him try to catch his breath. Dan smiles a bit in response. "Such a gorgeous boy, Danny, I love you so much." The words are out of his mouth before he even realizes what's happened, and both he and Dan freeze, staring at each other in shock.

Every muscle in Dan's body begins to tremble. He looks scared and Jack's stomach drops. He's hasty in his attempt to flee the room, ending up falling off the bed and stumbling into his en suite bathroom and locking the door behind him. 

Jack winds up laying on the tile floor, crying silently. He fucked it up, he fucked everything. He knew Dan's commitment issues going into this, and had vowed not to push him in any way. And he broke that vow he made to himself. He potentially hurt Dan, too, and that was even worse. 

He doesn't move until Dan taps softly on the bathroom door.

"Sean? Please let me in. Are you okay?"

Jack hauls himself upright and unlocks the door, and promptly seats himself on the edge of the tub before Dan eases into the room.

"Sean," Dan breathes, reaching for Jack as soon as he's close enough. Jack lets him touch his face and kiss him softly. "I love you."

"Wh-what?" Jack stammers, looking up at Dan with big doe eyes. Dan smiles softly and kisses him a little more firmly. 

"I love you, Sean, Jesus, you just took me by surprise there. I didn't mean to upset you."

Jack lets out a startled laugh and grins up at Dan, tears streaming down his face. Dan, frantic, leans down to kiss the tears from his cheeks. "No, no, please, baby, don't cry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I'm crying because I'm happy, you dingus," Jack exclaims, shooting up to kiss him, a huge goofy grin on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end!

Jack and Dan spend the coming months staying about as busy as they can. They dread all the time they have to spend apart, but Jack's hesitant to pick up and move to America, unsure about living in LA, and Dan's entire career is based in LA, so he can't just leave at any given moment. They keep their relationship between them and their close friends, scared that the combination of distance and the Internet will be their downfall.

Jack visits when he can, staying at Dan's new place when he does. It's nice to have the privacy of a house to themselves for Jack's visits, nice to wrap themselves up in a false sense of domesticity for a while before their reality comes sweeping back in and washes away their fantasy.

After about a year of seeing each other infrequently, Jack takes himself down to the American embassy and starts trying to figure out the process of getting himself residency in the states. It's long-winded and mostly a hassle, and he lets his family know, but not his friends, not until he goes for a visit, so he can meet with immigration agents in LA. It takes months and months before Jack can get everything settled, but he does, he gets moved into Dan's house and he gets his identification in order, which is a pain, since his gender presentation doesn't match his birth certificate, but they get it figured out eventually. He takes a break from YouTube while he gets an office set up in Dan's house, but the fans are surprisingly forgiving about it.

The first video Jack films in his new office is a vlog. He sits down and explains his situation, tells his audience that he's moved in with his formerly long-distance boyfriend, and lets them know that he'd try to get back on his regular uploading schedule as soon as possible.

The first photo of Dan and Jack together gets out after Jack's been living with Dan for about 3 months. They had fallen into a good rhythm together, and they had been considering coming out to the fans, anyways, so they're not upset when Brian posts of a photo to the game grumps instagram that features Arin and Ryan mugging for the camera, though Dan and Jack are curled up together in one of the bean bags in the background, crystal clear, kissing each other sweetly. Dan's smiling against Jack's mouth, holding him gently by the waist. It's adorable, honestly, and they tell Brian he can leave the photo up.

Jack falls pregnant 6 months after his move. He and Dan had been considering it, for the future. Jack had found a doctor in LA that understood his situation, and he had had several long talks with her about the possibility, and he was still young and healthy enough that his doctor had told him he'd feasibly be able to carry children for many more years. They hadn't really thought it would happen so fast, though. 

Once Jack starts putting on weight, he starts avoiding filming VR videos, so the fans don't notice. He's uncertain about telling millions of people without knowing for sure that the baby's healthy. He's about 25 weeks along before he sits down and films a video discussing his current predicament. It means explaining his status as a transgender man, which is the hardest part. He had considered being a father, but he hadn't considered carrying a child until Dan, and that's a huge decision he had to make, and while he doesn't want to hide from his fans, he wants his privacy, too. Once he starts talking about the baby and his pregnancy, though, he just can't stop, blabbering on and on about how excited he was to be a father, and how good Dan had been to him, and he discusses, at length, the strides he plans on making in an attempt to raise his child without the constraints of the gender binary. He ends up having to pare down much of the footage to make it watchable.

Dan works on the nursery for hours on end every day. Jack helps where he can, but he was slim to begin with, so the extra weight he's carrying making standing and walking for too long hard on his back. Arin and Ross come over to help paint the room, after Dan's painted two of the walls a soft green. The two blank walls, he tells them, are theirs to decide, leaving them free to cover the walls in art. Ross all but covers his wall in dinosaurs and pokemon, with no real rhyme or reason. Arin paints full-sized versions of the grump heads, their closest friends immortalized to watch over the baby. Dan and Jack are front and center, side-by-side. Jack cries when he sees it.

Jack goes into labor on a Sunday morning while he's relaxing with Dan. Dan panics a fair bit, and Jack ends up having to talk him through everything. Jack's labor is easy enough, and finally, around mid-day, Geddy Cohen Avidan is born, healthy with a pair of strong lungs. Dan teases Jack that they have his voice, though Jack turns it right back around on him, pointing out their dark curls that are obviously Dan's.

Geddy is easily Dan and Jack's crowning achievement. The couple adore the baby, and so do their friends, families, and fans.


End file.
